I do not like Tom Waits. I’ve never liked Swordfishtrombones, I did not like the first five minutes of Nighthawks at the Diner that my dad inadvertently had me listen to, and I definitely do not like Small Change, his replacement this Dad-Rock Tuesday.
I’ll be straightforward here. I cannot stand Mr. Waits’ voice. That’s it. That’s why I don’t like his music. This is a strange occurrence for me, because I’m a huge proponent of the “vocals themselves don’t matter, content of the vocals matter” mindset. As I’ve stated before, two of my favorite bands—Los Campesinos! and The Hold Steady—are known for their…unconventional…voices. Mr. Waits takes obnoxious vox to a whole new level, though. His voice is often described as “gravelly,” but I don’t think that does it justice. It’s gravelly like my alley the week before its annual grading—bumpy, painful, and capable of popping tires if driven across too quickly.
Maybe I’d be able to deal with Waits’ cringe-inducing voice if he didn’t rely on it in every single song. Seriously, not a moment goes by on Small Change without your ears being molested by something that does not appear to be of this planet. Just listen to Pasties and a G-String. If you don’t punch something multiple times while listening to that track, there’s something wrong with you.
Or maybe there’s something wrong with me. Everyone loves this guy. I guess we can add Tom Waits’ work to the ever-growing list of “classics” that go straight over my head.
Swole Ear 