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Day 52: Oh No Oh My – Oh No! Oh My!

21 Apr

I Have No Sister

Here we have yet another example of a stupid band name catching my attention.  Seriously, I’m going to name my band Cheese Foot or something.  How could anyone not check out a band called Cheese Foot?  Wait, better idea, the band will be called “Cheese Foot?”  Question mark included.  And with that, I have earned at least a 7.5 on Pitchfork.  I bet I can crack an 8.6 if I record the entire album on a raft in the middle of Lake Michigan or something.  Screw college, I’m gonna pursue Cheese Foot?.

I’ve got to come up with some dramatic backstory for why my band is named Cheese Foot?.  The story would have nothing to do with feet made of cheese, or cheese shaped feet, though.  This story would have to be intricate and complicated, and make me appear really tortured and mysterious.  This backstory would be something that I would appear to really want to avoid in interviews that would later appear on indie blogs.  Eventually, though, that ace reporter would crack my tough exterior of pain and misery, and with a tear in my eye, I would faint right before I reveal why we’re called Cheese Foot?.

I would love being in the band, and be great to all of my fans, but only for so long.  The moment that Cheese Foot? reached 100,000 listeners on last.fm, I would turn on the band.  We’re way too mainstream at that point.  I would start lashing out at all of my lamestream fans, who only heard about Cheese Foot? because M.I.A. tweeted about us.

We would have recorded what would prove to be our final album at that point.  We’re so mainstream by then, Pitchfork has no choice but to give us a 4.6.  In it, they state that we lost everything that made us Cheese Foot?, we’ve sold out.

I would leave Cheese Foot? after that.  I wouldn’t do anything for a couple of decades, and then I’d go on a solo tour. Aged horribly by the reclusive-indie-star lifestyle, I would consistently forget all of the words to my now irrelevant songs, as I stand alone on a stage, trying desperately to get back what once made Cheese Foot? so great.

Anyway, until Cheese Foot?’s debut drops, I’ll stick with Swole Ear.  So.  Oh No Oh My.  They’re good I guess.

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