Tag Archives: Riding with the King

Day 169: John Hiatt – Riding with the King

16 Aug

She Loves The Jerk

If you asked me, “Hey, Swole Ear,”  (because that’s my actual name) “who do you care the least about in the world?”  I would answer you with “John Hiatt.”  Really, I would.  If you followed that strange question up with “I’m sure there are plenty of other candidates worthy of that title, why John Hiatt?”  My response would be “Because of Riding with the King.”

I was going to keep that question/answer thing confined to the introduction.  I’m bored, though (because of John Hiatt), so I’ve decided to keep this train wreck rolling.  Lucky you.

Assuming you know that Riding with the King is a record of Mr. Hiatt’s, a question along the lines of “How can a single LP cause that much disdain towards its creator?” would probably follow.  To that, I’d respond with a question of my own: “Have you ever listened to this man’s work?”

Your answer must be a “No.”  Otherwise, this explanation would be completely unnecessary.

“But Swole, what is it exactly that bores you about this record?”

“Every. Freaking. Thing.”

Followed by a dramatic pause.

“I’m confined to around 250 words, though, so I’ll hit on the big issues.”  I’d let you know,  “Well, my biggest issue with Riding, and just John Hiatt in general, is that he has no idea what he wants to be.”

Your dumb ass may point out that you are kind of dumb, and that I’ll have to be more specific.

“Yeah, I figured.  Well, in this record alone, Hiatt takes stabs at every genre under the white guy sun.  Country, rock, country-rock, white man soul, and white boy blues.” I’ll say very slowly in an easy to understand, sarcasm-free tone.

But you’re still stupid.  So you’d ask “But what’s wrong with that?”

“Well, he fails at every single genre that he attempts.  He manages to turn all of them into boring, unenthusiastic, plus-or-minus three-minute romps of bleh.”  Would be my response.  “You get one more question.”

“Why on earth did your father pick this for Dad-Rock Tuesday?”

“And that, my low-IQ friend, I cannot answer.”